fourfold vision

BUCKLE UP

bear with me here, as I am not a writer! I am, at the very least, a thinker. And so I wanted to try to elucidate my thinking in a format that can be reflected on and shared.

I think often about the legacy I want to leave, or the meaning my life will have. In no way do I imagine my life matters greatly, and I have a strong sense that my existence is a microscopic manifestation of the connected universe. But I have a persistent, overwhelming desire to find a meaning. Or to make a meaning..maybe in this case finding=making. (I think this is a drive all humans share, although dedication to the work of it varies)

All of this is going to be difficult to put into words. Mostly because words are not my forte, not that anything is all that complex. All of this has been said before, far better than I can manage. You can see my influences in the sidebar for a deeper (and more eloquent) dive into these themes. In life I try to follow a few tenets to the best of my ability. One: see things from the cosmic perspective..this means I investigate from every angle, and know that none of us sees the whole truth, ever. Two: centering the goal of liberation - materially and psychically - on every plane. Three: there is no end, there is only process and transformation.

For me, spiritual liberation and material liberation are to be pursued in tandem, and I find these to be overlapping in nature rather than being split categorically, as many spiritual paths seem to do. A spiritual awakening may be described as finding oneness with the universe, material awakening may be called solidarity. These are links in a chain, and are weaker when separated.

I find an animistic spiritual model, a deep connection to all human, animal, plant, land, water, air bodies, to be compelling. It captures that balance between spirit and material, it views all one and the same. All things have spirit imbued in them, everything animate and seemingly inanimate is ancestor, born of the same body as our self. When I am unsure of what to do, I return to rituals engaging the elements in my immediate surroundings, as I have loving and intimate relationships with them. These practices are simple but deepen spiritual connection and material solidarity in tandem. There are many beneficial outcomes one can draw from animistic or shamanistic practice, and I think the most prominent we should all be concerned with is the ability to resist genocide and ecocide. Directly tending to a material solidarity is needed for any such resistance.

Dualistic and salvation based faiths are fascinating to me, and I do get a lot out of the deep and probing inquiry about human spiritual nature. We are entwined with nature so intimately, and also, human spirit is so unique. We are so preoccupied with what is right and wrong, so driven to purpose and desires distinct from simple acts of survival. I have studied most of my life in the social sciences and have been very shaped by post structuralist thought, which I believe can be overly relied on to understand humans today – there is more to say about our inner worlds than ascribing all to the influence of social structures. I am interested in returning the magical and mystical to the human experience, which the enlightenment and subsequent movements through to post structuralism have dampened in the general discourse.

Since childhood I have had an interest in quantum mechanics and the ontological nature of the universe some of its principles seem to point to. Lately I have begun to dig deeper in this field and am endlessly fascinated with its implications. Consciousness seems to be a major, if not primary, force or field in the universe. There is some indication that the conscious observer has some impact on universal mechanics. I don’t agree with those who take this to mean we have the distinct power to manifest things that we want because of this, I don’t think that is the point. I think that our consciousness is relational, and it is all tied together. I may go so far as to say the universe is composed of one field of consciousness, perhaps can be considered one “mind”. We are all components of this, like synapses firing in the brain. I think quantum studies really deeply connect to Hindu ideas of Brahman, Atman. There is a unity we are, I think, still inuitively aware of. The masquerade of separateness has been highly exacerbated by the disconnection and alienation of capitalism, which makes this all the more challenging for some people to be in touch with. But awareness can be reached through prayer, meditation, and for some psychedelics have proven useful. It feels powerful to me to know that western science had begun to point to the same spiritual connectedness that ancient mystical traditions have long been aware of. Biology too, has begun to expand its awareness of connected consciousness. Single cell organisms like slime molds have demonstrated consciousness, have even been able to demonstrate the ability to remember. Lacking neurons or a central nervous system does not rob one of consciousness. Every cell in our body may have some kind of consciousness, of memory. And this should come as no surprise to us, now that we are all in agreement that experiences, especially trauma, is stored in the body – this could be happening at the cellular level. Electricity mediates every biological function, it is the transmission of consciousness throughout the field. I think the relevant analogy here might be that, as cells in the body are to our mind, so are we to the mind of the universe. We are one electrical component that is having experiences, collecting information, and transmitting through the conscious field.

Although I don’t believe at all that western science is demonstrating any ability to know the fundamental nature of the universe beyond what traditional people have through their theologies/philosophies, I do enjoy learning about the universe through this lens. It is fascinating what has been observed and shown in repeat experimentation, and endlessly interesting to engage with various interpretations of what our current knowledge might mean. Maybe even more interesting – what our lacking knowledge may mean.

Another line of inquiry I follow is that of an internal gnosis, or a deep internal investigation. I want to understand my role in nature, and I want to understand my self. I view the self or the ego as no more or less than an aspect of this existence that is relationally formed. It is important to know that the self is not what I AM, and to not get overly attached to it. But it plays an important role in my consciousness and experience. The self is like a glass lens in a camera, where it captures and reflects experience of nature/universe in a unique way. I want to look beyond the lens to truly understand what I am, but examining the lens itself and understanding its qualities and properties is an important aspect of that process. Really having the ability to look at the self as an objective and curious viewer is what allows us to make sense of what we can perceive beyond the structure of the self. So I find it imperative to study self, without the study of self becoming the goal or the essence of the journey. That path leads elsewhere and to a very limited and misguided understanding of nature/universe. I have found that zen Buddhist writing and practice to be helpful here in keeping a strong orientation regarding the self, to not allow the emotions that emanate from the self to allow me to consider the self to be what is Real. Psychoanalysis has also helped me understand the self and ego in context; development of the ego separates us from the unified subject/the Real. We see ourselves always through the gaze, the mirror of others. The self only gains coherence through this lens which is crafted by layers of projected desire. So to be more precise, when I say I strive to know my self, I strive to know it not as a stable or even REAL thing, but it must be know to see what is real

((that’s all for now, more to come))